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I Need a Love that Frees MeChurning, burning, yearning,
you twist me till I bleed,
why does my heart hurt so bad whenever I think of you,
you've got me if you want me
and I can't even fight it.
And I will Always be the MoonWe have gotten so attached to these days and these months,
but a deer doesn't know a Tuesday from a Thursday
and a caribou can't comprehend that it was born on a September afternoon,
but they can understand this instant, this moment, this breath,
only now, no longer the past, and only the future when they get there,
there's a healthy lack of awareness in that,
escaping the fear of death but thriving off the instinct to live,
everything so primal and based off gut reactions,
I guess you could say ignorance is bliss,
but ignorance only actually applies when it comes to humanity,
oh I would like a life like that,
one that is organic, tangible, and ripe with bloody berries,
one where carnal creatures run rampant,
one where we rise from the dirt with muddy thighs
because we were bred into these earthly bodies
to hold seconds in our palms like newborn children,
and to throw our heads back and howl against the awareness that we are dying,
for oh this skin is only our host,
as we become ghostsThe air is smooth and thin,
running over my shoulders like buttermilk,
curling wax fingers
and smoke escaping my oak tree bones,
I don't know where I'll end up yet but
I know I'm close,
and I know I'm close because I'm still breathing,
inhaling that charred floral scent
where dahlias are breeding in the curves of my collarbone
and lilacs are blooming between each vertebrae,
intertwining with every rib, climbing them like strands of DNA,
oh you know I wouldn't mind if you used my ribs for a ladder,
go ahead and use me up like some sort of construction worker,
for my body is yours to take, my heart to break,
but I should let you know now that this love is a disease,
it will leave you in ruins with teeth like Aztec tombs rotting inside your mouth,
and it will leave your hands forming empty circles in the sky where the stars should be,
but all of this is okay because when we're together I can see the moon in your eyes
and the sun in your lips,
when they dare form a smile, your kiss
i am a book of blank pages.We're playing that game where we trace letters on each others backs with the ends of our fingers. So I drag my fingertips down your spine slowly, savoring every embrace. I'm drawing electric currents through each vertebrae and I can feel you twitch under my touch.
I'd like to hold your ribcage like guitar strings and play chords that echo beneath your skin. You'd sound like a long, soft lullaby that tugs at my eyelids to close so I can dream.
My dreams are the only place we can actually be together, my subconscious takes control
and it's your lampshade lips along the shadows of my feet,
then I'm spilling my shoulders like chandeliers onto your carcass
and I'm drinking in this surreal moment like wine, because it is so bittersweet.
In my conscious mind I'm lying awake at night with toothpicks propping open my eyelids
because days are tasting like stale bread and empty space
and I'm realizing that space might actually be what we need,
screw that, what we need is each other and I need you
helium balloon lungsi. You write me notes scribbled on sandpaper
and I run them across my face,
scraping away layers of saccharine skin,
ii. Your eyes, made of cookie crumbs,
I'd like to dip them in milk
and watch them melt,
smoking like dry ice,
iii. You churn my childish heart
in circles and in circles
till I slip into cardiac arrest,
iv. I just remembered that time you
wrapped your arms around me like vines
and held me until you couldn't,
v. Oh what I'd give for a pair of
fortune cookie lungs,
exhaling self-fulfilling prophecy,
vi. I've been fishing for horoscopes,
pasting them onto my bedroom walls
and on the backside of my skin,
hoping that they tell me that
today is the day you will be mine,
vii. But your soul is made up of sins
and I do believe in forgiveness,
but forgive me, for I cannot forget.
I Dream of WolverinesAn alabaster calla lily blooms out of my belly button,
I pull on its vines to remove its roots,
but I only end up more tightly wound
in ribbons of green and of sorrow,
and now I'm sleeping more than I wake,
because I dream of wolverines, long dresses,
and old buildings collapsing like old people,
I can't look away nor can I open my nighttime eyes,
I live in a world of hedonistic passion,
one where we consume salamander hearts
just as much as we consume each other.
The Art of ForestryIf it were only appropriate to speak
of a single touch, of what it means,
of what it feels.
Our forearms graze and so I hold very still,
I never want to lose a second of
you against me.
My entire being shivers along the
shores of your skin
and all of my nerve endings are electrified
when I imagine our relationship evolving into
lilac limbs, freshly kissed lips, and
lieing next to you on rainforest floors.
We create a completely nuclear reaction,
a mixture of fusion, friction, and fascination.
So believe me when I say, oh boy I love you,
I really do,
yes, I want you so,
closer than tires upon pavement,
and like a car you turn into me,
and like a car you take me places,
you even take my daydreams to extraordinary realms
where I wake in the midst of the woods,
the air is slick and crisp
and I can feel your muddy, autumn hands
dancing along my flaking, fir tree flesh,
the dirt runs damp between our toes
and we become nothing but creatures of the forest;
living off each other's lo
a taxidermy fawn,
existing yet comatose,
my soul flickers within a lantern,
releasing a smoke with the scent of
pheromones and vanilla verbena,
but your necromantic whispers
linger in my ears,
so sweet and succulent as peaches,
give me breath,
filling my lungs upon a full moon,
oh i'd so like to take a bite of you,
you and your jungle bred lips,
tropical to taste,
organic to kiss,
jaguar, leopard spots
cover your skin
in patterns painted by the forest,
then a low, throaty growl
slips from your jaw,
haunting me like a past mistake,
but you are wild bamboo
and the sound of my heart beating,
palpitating against soft winters,
pulsing with the rhythm of summer,
for some reason you suit me
in all seasons,
and like gravity
you hold me
so no, i cannot escape you,
for no one can bypass
an autumnal equinox
or an eclipse of the sun,
you only continue to
kindle the flames
you used my wooden ribs to make
and i truly love
that searing sensation in my gut,
I let the water take controlIt's been awhile since I've been underwater,
so I drew myself a bath
and let the water rush itself into the tub
like blood to the brain,
as it pooled into the fiberglass basin
I felt the tides start to rise
while the pond I created began to
encase every limb,
my lips brushed against the water
in a liquidated kiss
and my blonde locks melted into the sea
as if my name were Medusa and
my strands of hair were snakes,
but my body dissolved into what it used to be,
I became the water and the water became me.
FallenI can find no comfort,
When life and happiness seems to always slip away.
When sorrow and regret,
Is my only company.
When myself do I hate,
For I have lost
My golden city.
My wings have been ripped from my back,
So I no longer fly among the clouds.
But bleed in the dark corner of misery.
I lost my way.
I lost the light.
I lost the key.
That gave me flight.
That made me see.
But now I am wounded and can no longer fly
Among the clouds of heaven.
I can no longer hear the angles sing and the cherubs play.
But it does not matter any more,
For I have lost everything.
And within losing everything,
I lost myself.
Midnight DanceYour fingers slide in between mine,
Our hands perfectly entwined.
Your arm wraps tenderly around my waist,
As you whirl me around and we trace
imaginary patterns on the floor.
Everything about you I adore,
as my head lies gently on your shoulder,
And we dance a dance that is older
Than time itself.
Your scent engulfs my mind,
And brings with it memories so refined,
Filled with pure emotion,
To you I promise complete devotion.
My senses are drowned out,
So that there is no room for any doubt,
Past worries and fears I twirled
As I fell into another world.
Hope and love fill my heart
As we perfect this dying art.
My dreams fall into place,
Made real by the smile upon your face.
And as we dance,
Our minds filled with true romance,
I mirror your movements
As we step backwards and forwards
To the slow, steady rhythm inside our heads.
This EndingThe writing becomes scribbles
The pen runs dry of ink
A song isn't written
A story isn't read
My words begin to fail me
My thoughts have become dead
The Bitter Nightmare/Too Heavy A BurdenRusted daggers flung from their tongues,
Deep, infected scars reopened,
Tear away the skin above my breast,
And witness my heart's weak thrum.
You, you have made it so,
You poisoned it with your truthful tonic,
Your tampered quotes and encrypted sneers,
Do not twine the needle deeper,
Fling your hair through the seeping blood,
Paint the canvas of my years,
Falling from the chasm's edge,
Releasing my mind from the bitter nightmare,
I watch the sun comb its way through the trees,
And struggle to stand against the bars of home,
My hands and feet chained, a dusty cloth between my teeth,
I wait for the warden's glance,
That moment of fated chance,
Do not tempt me, mad suitor,
I am too heavy a burden for any soul.
True Love: A Painted Myth?Forgive me if I intrude,
If I'm a little bold,
I've always been a little odd,
From all that I've been told
But something about the way you smile,
Something about the way you trust,
Good Lord, send me a soul to love,
And forget this useless lust
So many tiring hours spent,
Looking for his name
Trying to find a hint,
If he's still the same
I could have been the secret girl,
Chosen at a whim,
I threw my heart at his chest,
But still, I did choose him
I don't know what is real anymore,
My mind does war against me,
Somehow I must get the patience,
To tame the visions that taint me.
So please forgive me if I'm odd,
My heart is just too hopeless to worry with,
But also because I am scared,
That true love is just a painted myth.
All for youFalling asleep with tears in my eyes
And haunted by the thoughts of you
This is for you hun'
Your face is smiling at me
A fake, ghost-version of your old beautiful smile
Teasing me with what could have been
What I could have had
Those bright blue eyes look at me
But the sparkle is gone
Now they're just the eyes of a stranger
I watched you dissappear
I stood by and saw you fade away
Only a ghost is left of the old you
There was nothing I could do
So this is for you my dear
I'm holding you oh so tight
Fighting to bring you back to life
I'm falling asleep with tears in my eyes
These teardrops fall for you
This is all for you my love
SeveredI lost my heart on the edge of eternity.
I dropped it off there thinking we would come back.
Thinking we would come through, but we broke paths.
We lost our maps, we lost each other.
Juliet's Curse,My Own...Music used to be my aide
Now it only makes it worse...
A star-crossed lover by trade,
This longing heart a curse
How is it possible to feel this much pain
To go to sleep crying his name,
Someone please, I'm begging you,
Tear out my heart, stitch up the skin.
It's like a venomous hole burning through my lungs,
A boiling thrum through my veins,
Hot tears cool my skin, and taint my tired lips,
I'm begging you, tell me the cure
Where is the cure that Juliet swallowed?
What is the potion that let her sleep?
And did she feel like me .
I'm begging someone, anyone,
To tell me how how to breathe and sleep again,
Because even though I've tried, and tried
The infection is still devouring my soul,
And forbidding me to let go .
NewbornClose your eyes and listen
And soon enough you'll hear
The heartbeat of a newborn
Beating fast and clear
Innocent and curious
A newborn wants to know
The big world that surrounds it
And who is friend or foe
A newborn calf is precious
Just like a newborn pet
It needs its mother with it
To love and to protect
So why do you forget this
When you buy meat and cheese?
A calf is not a cat or dog
But it deserves to breathe
A newborn needs much space to grow
Regardless of what species
A newborn needs to have good health
Not cages caked with feces
A calf that's torn from its mother
Two short days after birth
A calf that's born just to be killed
For more veal to be served
No animal deserves to have
A life of so much pain
When it causes so much disease
You have nothing to gain
So please make the connection
Every time you eat a steak
It may be your own choice
But is it your own life to take?
I'm Not Ready to Let GoYour fingertips carve melodies into my songbird skin,
carbonizing my charcoal bones
so I can write sonnets on the sidewalk
with the ends of my chalky joints.
Oh how your grazing hands
Your propane eyes
burn me up,
your toothy smile
ties me down.
I hold my breath
because these moments are fragile
as they are finite,
and I close my eyes
because love shouldn't be this ugly
or this hard to find.
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