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Lovely Literature by Jsaren


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Submitted on
September 5, 2012
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138
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it's one of those

goldfish bowl empty afternoons,

dehydrated,

gills grasping for water,

fresh daylight

spilling over my aquatic limbs,

so thin boned and cold-blooded,

swordfish lips so sworn to

seahorse secrets,

i cannot see a way out of drowning

in all of this

open air,

my fins lie still

as does my two-chambered heart,

you never actually did need any bate,

i hooked myself,

then released my own salty ghost,

you only just laid me out to dry,

gutted and seizing.

i don't know why i wrote this
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:icona-moonless-night:
A-Moonless-Night Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2014
Really nice metaphors and continuity.
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:icon0hgravity:
0hgravity Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I liked how clear the feeling of this is - harsh, cold and vulnerable.

a nice piece, especially in the beginning.

I wonder, were you going for a play-on-words with "bate"?
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:iconblackdahlia911:
blackdahlia911 Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2012
Thank you! And I accidentally just spelled that wrong but never got around to changing it hahaha probably should fix that soon!
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:iconcelestialmemories:
CelestialMemories Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
This was so fantastic and beautiful The imagery and symbolism really took my breath away.
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:iconblackdahlia911:
blackdahlia911 Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2012
Wow! Thank you so much, those are such nice compliments :heart: I really wasn't sure how I felt about this one or if it gave off enough feeling
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:iconcelestialmemories:
CelestialMemories Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You are very welcome!!
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:iconthesquareroot:
thesquareroot Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
excellent continuity
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:iconblackdahlia911:
blackdahlia911 Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2012
thank you!!
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:iconthesquareroot:
thesquareroot Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
no problem :XD:
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